Today is March 11 and I'm stressing out. I'm stressing because I am pitching my product to an exclusive, trendy 5th Avenue boutique in two weeks. I'm stressing out because other than the 2 bracelets that I created today, I haven't developed any product for the meeting -- I need at least 2 to 3 dozen pieces to feel like I have a fighting chance.
I'm stressing out because I have what's called "starving artist syndrome" in other words, I need to be inspired to create. And it would appear as though my muse has run off to inspire another. This absence is temporary, I know. Still stressful nonetheless.
The stress coupled with the "what if's" is weighing heavy. Will they like my schizophrenic one-of-a-kind style? Will they think it's a good fit for their boutique? Will they appreciate its uniqueness? Or will they want it mass-produced? Come to think of it, in addition to the actual product, I need line sheets and a bio too! Some nice displays wouldn't hurt either!
One would think 20 + years in the fast paced NYC fashion industry, working for the likes of Emmanuel Ungaro and Liz Claiborne doing fashion shows, in-store events, and managing a 10 million dollar business in a sales capacity at the height of my career would have prepared me for this. In some ways it did. But it is different when it's your baby & your business. ...I never felt guilty traveling or working late when another was providing my income. Now, I get intense pangs of guilt when I tell my son I'll play with him later, because "mommy is working on an important project". I'm a great mom & I know it. I spend a great deal of time with my son and family, yet I still feel guilty for taking that much-needed time to help myself. Any doctor, family counselor, self-help guru, or other mom will tell you that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost, otherwise you're no good to anyone else. I know this to be true, so what's with the "mom guilt"?
Anyway, I do my best work under pressure, I always have; so I am positive that I will pull through. Without inflicting too much damage to the family on the home-front too.
For what it's worth guys, I'm a really private person by nature. It took some courage to share these to share these thoughts and emotions with you.