Friday, March 12, 2010

The opportunity of a lifetime & the stress to match

Today is March 11 and I'm stressing out.  I'm stressing because I am pitching my product to an exclusive, trendy 5th Avenue boutique in two weeks.  I'm stressing out because other than the 2 bracelets that I created today, I haven't developed any product for the meeting -- I need at least 2 to 3 dozen pieces to feel like I have a fighting chance.

I'm stressing out because I have what's called "starving artist syndrome" in other words, I need to be inspired to create.  And it would appear as though my muse has run off to inspire another.  This absence is temporary, I know.  Still stressful nonetheless.

The stress coupled with the "what if's" is weighing heavy.  Will they like my schizophrenic one-of-a-kind style?  Will they think it's a good fit for their boutique?  Will they appreciate its uniqueness?  Or will they want it mass-produced? Come to think of it, in addition to the actual product, I need line sheets and a bio too!  Some nice displays wouldn't hurt either!

One would think 20 + years in the fast paced NYC fashion industry, working for the likes of Emmanuel Ungaro and Liz Claiborne doing fashion shows, in-store events, and  managing a 10 million dollar business in a sales capacity at the height of my career would have prepared me for this.  In some ways it did.   But it is different when it's your baby & your business.  ...I never felt guilty traveling or working late when another was providing my income.  Now, I get intense pangs of guilt when I tell my son I'll play with him later, because "mommy is working on an important project".  I'm a great mom & I know it.  I spend a great deal of time with my son and family, yet I still feel guilty for taking that much-needed time to help myself.  Any doctor, family counselor, self-help guru, or other mom will tell you that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost, otherwise you're no good to anyone else.  I know this to be true, so what's with the "mom guilt"?

Anyway, I do my best work under pressure, I always have; so I am positive that I will pull through.  Without inflicting too much damage to the family on the home-front too.

For what it's worth guys, I'm a really private person by nature.  It took some courage to share these to share these thoughts and emotions with you.


AnnJames said...

I think it helps to write out these things! Kind of like mini-therapy I guess :)

I'm glad that you realize deep down that 1. you are a good mom!!! and 2. that you will get everything done. I have moments like that too, and it's good to focus on them.

If you need any inspiration, you know where to find me! I dunno what I could inspire, but hey, ya never know :)

MerCurios said...

Thanks Ann...the "mommy guilt" never goes away, I guess. Just have to find a way to incorporate it. ; )